Bitter feelings
by Tatterdelimon
Summary: An angsty look into Raven's mind.


I don't know when it started anymore then I know what caused it.

Demons however evil, are creatures of passion, they throw themselves into all that they do and experience with abandon, let the devils have their rules and the angels their prudishness a demon lived to LIVE.  
Being half-demon I found myself subject to this same all consuming passion, for most people happy is…happy, sad is sad, nothing more. For me happy is an emotion that would fry humans brains, sad is a humans utter despair, lust…

In retrospect that may be what attracted me to her; she felt as keenly as I did, or as any mortal could, her innocent naiveté and joy shining through any situations gloom.

I watched her flit across the room under cover of Poe, her endless exuberance catching my eye. Even in casual conversation, or as casual as any of my conversations are, I found my eyes roving her form. lingering on places I found pleasing; her shapely limbs coloured a pale orange bordering on bronze, her round full breasts, the long auburn hair…Her eyes were a favourite; pale green and always full of whatever emotion which might flit into her pretty head. They say that the eye is the window to the soul and that has never been truer then with Starfire.

At first I hated her for it, having to live with a living embodiment of all I could never have hurt me deeply for a time and it gave me a cold satisfaction to crush her joyful moods where possible.  
The others thought me spiteful and cold, and I suppose I was, true feeling denied to me I revelled in what little emotions I could have; Spite, apathy and sarcasm. But at that point I cared little about them or their feelings.

She changed that.

We had swapped bodies at one point; I still look back on that time and shudder. it was like a drug, finally, for the first time in my life I could feel! I could laugh and dance and cry and sing without fear or pain! Everything about this body practically hummed with sensation!  
I came dangerously close to losing myself that night. close to just giving in to my emotions and escaping, close to leaving my 'friends' to whatever fate awaited them at the puppet king's hands.  
Yet something held me back. Later I would say it was friendship, but I know that wasn't, not then, I didn't consider them friends, not yet. I think maybe it was her again, she whom I had longed to hate, sitting there cold and alone in the prison of my flesh and a new emotion entered my newly thawed heart; pity. I stayed with her, returned to my frigid prison so that she might once again be free to feel.  
We grew close…and little my little she pulled my wall down and soon I found my hate diminishing, if I could not feel my own emotions why not bask in the reflected glory of hers?  
How odd it is that my love for sprung from my hate, my envy of her…I wanted to hold her, touch her, devour her, BE her so badly it hurt…  
I saw her and Robin kissing yesterday, I'd gone to the kitchen to find something to eat and saw him running his hands through the hair I longed to touch, tasting the lips I'D longed to savour. For a moment I just stood and watched, all my little fantasies and hopes crashing down around me.  
I'm not sure what alerted them to my presence, it could have been the flickering black light, the cracks running down the walls or the palpable aura of cold rage that was creating a layer of frost beneath my feet. but they broke apart from each other and span to face me; Robin wearing a mask of shock and surprise, Starfire looking first embarrassed then scared.  
I remember taking a few halting steps towards them, leaving a trail of frost and cracked stone behind me.  
Robin drew his staff and shoved Star behind him, his mouth moved but I neither knew nor cared what it was he'd said, sweeping him aside with a gesture, I advanced on Starfire .  
At first she just looked from Robin's prone form to me and back again, too shocked for words not moving till we stood face to face when she SHRANK BACK FROM ME!  
She was afraid of me…  
I'm not sure which part hurt the most, knowing that Starfire was forever beyond my reach or knowing that I terrified her, either way I couldn't stand to look at her any longer, so I let my darkness engulf me and carry me away, carry me through the old forgotten pathways to this place…to you.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this, you don't care, no one ever did."

"On the contrary my dear Raven, I care very much."

Slade's single eye narrowed slightly as he drew raven into the shadows.

"I care very much indeed." 


End file.
